There’s a good chance that the Motherscratchers will be playing the Labor Day festival in Hamtramck. We used to close our shows with one of three songs : Highway 61, Cocksucker Blues, or The Ballad of Ted Veal (which I consider to be our magnum opus). We closed our first two reunions with Highway 61 and Cocksucker Blues so it’s Ted Veal’s turn. But I have to remember how to play it and how to sing it. So I dug the lyrics out of hiding this morning and stumbled across a few other jems :
A limerick I wrote about Our Fair President. I’m pleased that I covered the 2000 Supreme Court decision to hand the presidency to him, the war he started, his stance on gay marriage, and his resemblance to Lancelot Link all in the confines of the limerick template :
A chimp who once lost an election
rose up through unnatural selection
He started a war
Then he started to roar
that no wieners should find intersection
In fairness, I wrote another one about Dubyah’s buddy from Skull and Bones. It’s not as funny. JK is not as funny as GWB. That’s why you see so many of those “W” stickers all over the place. Because he’s funny. People who own ranches but are afeared of horses are funny. So I went with the obvious, his long head and an old joke about a horse in a bar. Which is funny because his friend from Skull and Bones who owns a ranch and likes to pretend that he’s a cowboy is afeared of horses.
The Democrat’s Vietnam ace,
a shoe-in for November’s race
walked into a bar
‘tender said, “You’re a star!
So tell me son - why the long face?”
Then I found this drawing from a page of a ledger I had when I went to art “school”
Well, that was pretty awesome but I’m still having a bit of trouble with the A. Weird Al is a trained A and I’m pretty sure that his compass would tell him that my testes would be safer inside my abdominal cavity. But whatever. I’m hanging out with my cat and my puppy is in the thing that people who don’t like the word ‘cage’ call ‘crate’ and he (the cat) is purring and he’s full of catnip. I gotta hang out with my buddy. Because he’s only ever alive right now. So have fun.
I haven’t been on the internets machine a lot because I have a puppy whose back legs aren’t very strong yet so when he’s really tired he does the “Fuck yo couch, nigga!” crawl. Here’s a lazy blog post : a few videos of men who realized that we don’t get our morals from our religion but vice versa. We get our morals from each other. And to say that something gives someone hope or helps them cope with life says nothing of it’s veracity. Anyway. I’ll blog more when winter hits. Nuclear winter.
I’m pretty sure that the only thing humanity really wants is to watch the big game tonight. And maybe to hope that god hears them asking for stuff on Sunday. And maybe something warm and wet to have sex or some approximation of with. So yeah. I’m gonna go play with my dog and rake my lawn and eat cherries and drink beer and order a pizza and listen to some good music. And if I can’t find any good music I’ll make some up.
John McCain can’t come out all the time and say that he wants us to be in Iraq for 100 years and that he wants to nuke Iran and expect to get elected. He also can’t say that, while he’s pro-war, he’s against funding disabled veterans. So he’s going to try to energize the Christian base, the base that was so enthralled with George Dubya. He can’t attack Obama’s stance because most American’s agree with Obama. Most Americans want the military occupation of Iraq to end. Most Americans would like to be able to go to the doctor without the cloud of dread hanging over their heads that if the doctor tells them that they’ve got the “big C” they’ll probably go bankrupt trying to fight it and then die anyway. Most Americans are against a media monopoly, which is what we’re heading for today. The press is the only industry mentioned in the constitution. A free press and a free flow of information is so important to Americans that Joseph Smith the prophet was lynched after burning down a printing press. So, John McCain is going to attack Obama’s blackness, his otherness. He’s going to challenge Obama’s Christianity and imply that he’s a muslim while also paradoxically tying him to the Christian Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Here’s a video of John McCain talking about how we need a good Christian leader to carry on the tradition started by the founding fathers. He doesn’t seem to know that Thomas Jefferson was probably an atheist. He also doesn’t seem to know that the constitution doesn’t mention god at all. He also doesn’t seem to know that “In God We Trust” wasn’t a phrase given to us by the founding fathers. It was adopted as the national motto in 1954 in an effort to make us even more afraid of the godless Communists.
My girlfriend’s daughter did a report on Eisenhower for school. As a visual aid she made a life-size (give or take a few inches) replica of Eisenhower out of construction paper and a creepy copy of his head.
Yesterday she decided to hang him on her bedroom door which is just across from the bathroom. This has already led to me being startled by Eisenhower at least 5 times. I was quite prepared for violence the first time around. He’s gonna take some getting used to. Until then, hilarity will ensue after every bathroom visit I guess. I have to devise a plan to get rid of this president!!
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